


Butter me up to Flavortown

by sin_machine (Sereinial)



Category: Food Network RPF
Genre: F/M, I am God's mistake, I wrote this a long time ago, i need to stop doing these things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 02:30:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17417324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sereinial/pseuds/sin_machine
Summary: Guy Fieri and Paula Deen can never be together. They know this, deep within. But this one last night of passion will turn into one neither of them will forget.





	Butter me up to Flavortown

**Author's Note:**

> listen i'm ridiculous and this is all i write anymore, but this is like 3 years old and i thought i'd put it here since tumblr's dying....enjoy???

“You know we can’t be together.” Said one  
“I don’t care, only for one night…I just need to hold you one more time” Said the other, pleadingly. Their love was forbidden, both of these chefs knew that; not only did they have to compete with each other on the Food Network, but one was twenty years the other’s senior…it was simply a passion that could not be fulfilled, not completely, never totally.

Who were these mystery connoisseurs of flavor, one may ask? None other than the King of Flavortown himself and the slightly racist, brilliant-eyed Queen of Diabetes; Guy Fieri and Paula Deen to be exact. They were enamored with each other, to say the least. From the moment they first did a cooking episode with each other, they couldn’t look back. Guy had looked at Paula with such intense passion as he slid chicken wing after chicken wing into his shockingly large mouth, his spiky blond hair sharp enough to pop a balloon…or rather, her heart. Guy felt the same way about Paula, her blue eyes as they shone with delight at his eating habits and lovely food puns; it was such a turn on when her blood sugar spiked so much from the sugar she consumed, and she passed out on the floor. As he was waiting for the paramedics to arrive, he couldn’t help but want to kiss the wrinkly lips of the 69 year old goddess that had fallen so ungracefully to the floor. When she awoke in the hospital hours later, it wasn’t her childrens’ eyes that she saw on her, but Guy’s. From that moment, there was an undeniable passion between the two that just could not be conquered, like a thirst that couldn’t be quelled. But they knew it would never last, that they had to go their own separate ways…and soon.

On that fateful night, the night that they had decided to be their last together, Guy had something planned that would blow Paula away. He called her and told her to meet him at the set of his hit TV show “Guy’s Grocery Games” for a romantic night she wouldn’t forget. Paula, after hours spent getting ready for her big night with Guy, made sure to put some extra makeup on to hide the wrinkles…she didn’t want his last night with her to be something he regretted, now did she? When she arrived at the set, she was surprised by Guy sitting on a bearskin rug, naked, covered in nothing but mound upon mound of butter…very soft butter, in fact. A small gasp left her mouth as she saw what lay before her, and she couldn’t help but tingle at the sight of the butter on Guy’s naked, pasty body. Not a word could leave her lips as she got on the ground and crabwalked to her love, emitting a hiss from her as she made her way to him. “HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”. Guy winked at her as she came over, and beckoned her with his bedroom eyes glowing in the dim lighting. Enthralled, Paula came closer to her. Once she was situated in front of him, Guy began to undress her sensually, revealing her soft, supple flesh that was so wrinkled it looked like she had an extra pair of clothes on…that just turned the spiky haired cutie on even more, a soft, guttural sound, not unlike a lawnmower, came up from his chest, which only made Paula to get even more naked.

As soon as she was completely nude (though no one could really tell if she was nude, her skin suit was so saggy), Guy reached out slowly to grab a stick of butter. Paula didn’t know what he was going to do at first, she was way too excited to see Guy looking so beautiful on the rug that she didn’t even see the butter reaching for her wrinkled flesh. The moment it hit, however, her body tensed and she moaned like a dolphin, the indication that she was becoming aroused. The oily substance left a residue that made the couple lick their lips. Guy knew exactly what he was going to do after this, but it could wait…he wanted to save the surprise for last. Stick after stick of butter was lathered onto Paula’s body and she was practically sobbing with pleasure…the two never needed to penetrate each other, all they needed was the power of food. 

Eventually, she was completely lathered up and ready for their surprise. Guy licked a little of the butter off of her and then began to play a saxophone violently, serenading his mate for a brief time. He beckoned her again, getting up and waiting for her to follow him. Deeper into the isles of the set they went, until they reached a door with a little chicken wing on it. Dozens of things were going through Paula’s head as she saw the door. Was he going to propose, to refuse to leave her, to love her always and forsake his show for her? She couldn’t wait to find out. Guy told her to shut her eyes and not to peek until he told her to, which she did with vigor, grinning excitedly and writhing as the butter melted more on her papery skin. The door creaked open and Guy’s hand grabbed her’s as he led her into the mystery room. It was warm and so, so nice and oh, she would bet all of her money that it was romantic! She wanted to open her eyes so bad, but she didn’t want to ruin the surprise. She felt Guy get behind her, pushing her further with all his might. This continued for a moment longer before she found that she was stopped quite suddenly…this was it, he was going to let her open her eyes! She waited.

But it never came. Instead, Guy gave her a hard push on the back, and she went tumbling further, further, until she landed inside of something…metal. Perplexed, she opened her eyes without being told, and almost screamed; she was in a frying pan, Guy standing above her drooling, looking hungrier than she’d ever seen him. Before she could even say a word, he turned a large knob on the wall, and she was engulfed in flames. As she fried to a crisp for Guy to enjoy for dinner, she heard his last words from him ever.

“There was your one-way ticket to Flavortown, baby…goodbye.”


End file.
